Partnership in couples

One of the rare privaleges in ministry is for us to be married and work alongside our partner. Well, we don't always work literally alongside each other. But, we're working in tandem, passing off batons, planning our time strategically so each gets his/her turn to "do it". Sometimes the stuff of daily living takes precedence and the ratio is never completely balanced 50/50. But, we must strive to see ourselves working together as a unit. We must keep our fingers on the pulse, balancing the going out in ministry with the going out or retreating for refreshment, and the coming together in joint activities or prayer. This dance is the most tricky and the essential key for marital harmony and effectiveness on the field. Nowhere else is this more accentuated than when we live together in a cross-cultural setting ,with another language and so many expectations placed upon us. Not to mention the fact that our home is office is entertainment all wrapped up in one. It's no wonder that this is where we can be most vulnerable.
Just some thoughts:

• Is the family reliant on only one parent to manage the household tasks?

• Are we keeping track of how much time each of us are taking for outside ministry, exercise, or tasks outside the home?  (We might find that tasks are being done outside, but that this  isn't time in ministry or refueling.)

• Are we in too much of a reacting mode or a proactive planning mode with our time?  (Either, to the exclusion of the other, isn't healthy)

• Is there margin time in our day (for the "interruption" of a neighbor coming over)?

• Are we going along with the flow of our  host culture and taking advantage of "seasons" where being outdoors or being sociable is what the people are doing?  Or are we so busy ourselves (on holiday or vacation or doing summer projects) during this time and then trying to make things happen socially when the culture is "checked out" and at work again? 

Small Group Worship- "It has a life of it's own"

One of the biggest mistakes in adapting congregational worship to the small group setting is trying to replicate something that isn't meant to be. The proverbial "new wine into old wineskins not working" must surely apply here. The dynamic of a handful of people is completely different from a congregation of fifty or more. Yet, we often try to "recreate the Sunday thing" in a home, office or third space setting.

WORSHIP is one of the 4W's which is most avoided, neglected or misunderstood for all the members of a small group. Some of this might be due to the fact that we haven't really defined what WORSHIP is and we don't have a grip on what God really seeks from us either.

Let's simply define WORSHIP

• My heart's response to God- Father, Son and Holy Spirit

• Involves recognizing and responding to HIS character by inward and outward expressions of thanksgiving, praise and adoration

• This response should overflow into every part of my life

• Worship also means lining up my life in accordance with God's character and will

• Involves an ongoing yeilding of myself to him, willingness to hear his corrective voice and, as a consequence, to be changed by the power of the Holy Spirit in my daily life.

One can see from this definition that there are many aspects of WORSHIP which can have more opportunity for expression in the small group context than in a larger group context.

Let's highlight these strengths and outcomes of worship in the small group setting

1. A relaxed, informal atmosphere- 
promoting trust and transparency for inward growth, seeing the Truths modeled in others' lives, sharing the process, so it's not about "me "but about "us".

Remember Jesus' promise in Matthew 18:20, "Where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am in the midst of them".

• Encourage the 3-way conversation - easily moving from one to the other
• Give space for people to share what they are learning and struggling with spiritually
• Discipling new followers in how to live 24/7 in the Light is the goal! 
• Interdependency is key for "thriving" vs. "surviving"

2. Specific Thanks

In a small group, there is opportunity for us to move from generalities to specifics. Each time we get together this should be the rhythm of what we share. Our worhip then becomes grounded in the reality of God's goodness everyday in our lives.  

• Emphasize weekly sharing of praises- model it consistently and the pattern is established.
• Keep a record of these praises and periodically bring the journal out and read it through as a group - we all forget without reminders!
• Celebrate as a group in response to the thanks. Get creative with symbolic acts eg: burning or burying old past struggles, doing a make-over of someone's house, changing someone's name to one of promise.

3. All can participate

In a small group setting, everyone counts. Paul's statement in 1 Corinthians 14:26 ("When you come together, everyone has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation...") can actually happen. And note Paul's insistence: '(they) must be done for the strenghthening of the church'. When everyone particpates, everyone benefits.  

• Make sure that no one dominates the worship expression - this can easily happen if someone is musical and all look to that person.
• Emphasize the fact that each has a unique contribution and gifting - don't give preference to one expression.
• Assist those less able to recognize what they can contribute.
• Be creative and sensitive to the time and the setting where you mee t- try to meet somewhere else occasionally so that the setting doesn't hinder all participating. 

4.  Honesty

Small groups give opportunity for people to be more honest and open in their worship. In the Psalms we see not only joy and contentment, but also confusion, disappointment, frustration - even anger. However, these are expressed in the context of the unchanging faithfulnees and love of God.

In the small group we can acknowledge negative situations and feelings, and learn how to give thanks in the midst of them, in a way that may not be appropriate in a larger gathering.

• Be sure that you prepare and choose someone to facilitate who is able to deal with raw feelings and emotions and turn this into a redemptive process for the whole group as well as the individual who might be struggling.
• How a group handles real issues shows the maturity of the group.
• Follow- up anything that is sensitive or manifests itself during the small group. Follow up needs to happen individually, outside of the small group as well.
• A good sense of humour needs to be encouraged after people are dealing with heavy stuff. We need to know that "we are but flesh" and that all of us can get "off track"  but we all "need healing" in certain dimensions of our lives.
• Regularly use resources and Scriptures which highlight dealing with strongholds and "walking in freedom" in the group setting.

5.  Ministry to one another

When a small group of people meet together regularly, relationships develop and trust is built up, enabling us to minister to one another. As we worship and yield ourselves to God, personal issues often come to the surface:

• Teaching and modeling how to pray immediately for someone is key to maturity in Christ.
• We are given opportunity in the small group context to get personal and real - what most people want anyway.
• Healing often happens as we are prayed for by others.
• Restoration is so important for all to see.
• Gifts of encouragement, discernment, intercession, mercy and service are given expression.

6. Accountability

Small groups also give an opportunity for ongoing accountability. God doesn't want us to be spiritual lone rangers; HIS plan is for us to be involved in each others's lives, helping to "spur one another on toward love and good works" (Hebrews 10: 24). Spiritual accountability and responsibility is an important principle of church life.

• Don't neglect to meet up outside the group setting. 
• Encourage all acts of personal sharing and caring.
• Don't become an exclusive group but an inclusive group.
• Make sure the facilitators also have accountability with someones outside of the small group.

Adapted from 50 Small Group Worship Ideas by Stuart Townend with Morgan Lewis

READ THIS before starting a 4 W's group! No regrets later......

Considering who needs to be in that "first group" is probably the most important and carefully thought out decision you will need to make before you begin. Remember that it's almost impossible to graciously univite someone and you can't start all over once you've begun!!!

What to anticipate:

• Are these people naturally friends or acquaintances?

• Is the ratio of believers to seekers stacked too heavily towards believers?

• Have the goals for the group been firmly established with the believers attending?

• Is there an able co-facillitator?

• Is there a mentor for the facilitator? 

• Has the group decided on the venue?

• Has the time been carefully negotiated? 

Consider:

1. Most  people want to meet outside of work with people they have chosen, that they trust, that they feel already add value to their lives. Don't expect people to gather with total strangers who may be vastly different from themselves (at first). Can you let your friends decide upon the group of people that they would invite? You'll be surprised that they can come up with a lot more people than you know or would have asked.
2. Remember that this is supposed to be a seeker stacked group. Having too many Christians can feel like being "ganged up" on when Christians so readily give the "right" answers. Processing has to happen within the group and can more easily happen when there is an atmosphere of acceptance for any answer (right or wrong). You just need 2 believers in the group.
3. Better make sure that the believers in the group have a vision for shared responsibility, unconditional acceptance, relationship building as a priority, loving witness and prayer, specifically for individuals in the group. (See below also - train the Believers in the group in re-tooling their "Christian" language)
4. Don't call the group a Bible study. Do call the group a discussion and exploration group about Truth, God, Jesus, spirituality, learning about ourselves and how we are geared, sharing life experiences, getting to know one another, working together to touch others in our community or the world. Watch out for the Christian language and words which have no meaning to others in the group right now. 
5. Choose carefully a man or woman (to facilitate) who manifests all the attributes of a deacon/elder and someone who is a learner, has strong relational skills, doesn't dominate, understands the vision and direction for the group. 
6. Mentor and disciple this person along the way. When specific problems arise within the group, be there to give input. Ask specific group dynamic questions to evaluate the health and direction of the group on a regular basis. Continue to challenge the co-facilitator in the area of faith, prayer and using their own gifting inside and outside of the group. If possible, have this person meet regularly with other small group facilitators. Give creative input with regards to each of the 4 W's (welcome, worship, Word, witness). Is the group successfully attending to these weekly?
7. Be open and surprised by the creative options the group might come up with themselves regarding where to meet weekly. Do they want to rotate the venue, do they want to meet in a public place, work site, etc. It needs to be accessible and safe for all. 
8. Time is of the essence!  Can't be stressed enough to start and finish the 4 W's on time. Fellowship can continue on after this time if folks want to. Not respecting others' time is disrespectful and communicates the wrong message. Better to miss out a "W" then to go over the time!